Why don't we change more easily?
As usual on this earth, the truth is simpler than what we think. Our human mind is cautious when something new comes along. Resistance to change is a defense against something new that is unfamiliar and might end up hurting us.
Doing new things pulls us out of our comfort zone - we want to keep doing things the way we're used to, even if our old relationship habits keep giving us a result we don't want. At least we're know our habits and other people's reactions to them are predictable.
All of this can cause us to feel like we're going around in circles. We want to do better but we don't know how - and when someone (like a book or a counselor) shows us how, it feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable at first, like trying on a new pair of shoes that feel stiff. So, we put them away and go back to our old, comfortable pair of bedroom slippers - the ones with the hole in the toe and the worn place in the heel. They are ours and we know them.
Change can be uncomfortable. The old and the familiar feels comfortable and reassuring, at least for a moment more…and, after all, this is a scary and crazy world.
Sometimes it just feels good to get home in one piece so we can slip on our old pair of slippers and engage in our old habits. They are what we know.
For this reason, perhaps it is easier on us if we take things slow and practice small changes step by step. Easy does it. Have patience with yourself.
